Sabtu, 17 Maret 2012
Corruption
Corruption was one of the biggest issue that was happening in Jakarta. Firstly, if Jakarta having no corruption it can be the number 1 leading country as Indonesia have large natural resources and most country have export from Indonesia. Secondly, people do corruption just because they were selfish and do not thinking of anyone else that make disadvantage to all of the people. So, rather than the money is being corrupted they can donate the money for the children who cannot afford it. In conclusion, We must change and teach the people that not to be selfish and thinking of the people so that Indonesia can be the number 1 leading country
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Some grammatical errors. Paragraph should have have more unity, i.e. focus on one idea only (e.g. why it is a serious issue or its causes). It might be better to write a few paragraphs instead because as it stands now it looks more like a synopsis of an essay.
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